Audacia Ray: New Media Sex Maven

Audacia Ray is one of America's foremost voices on sex and culture. Among her many accomplishments is the publication of her critically successful book: Naked on The Internet: Hookups, Downloads and Cashing In on Internet Sexploitation. Until recently, she was the editor of NakedCity, a reverential look at sexuality in all its permutations for the acclaimed Village Voice. She is also the award-winning director of the video: The Bi Apple. (For a complete biography, click here.) Ms. Ray was gracious enough to spend some time with MOC discussing - what else - sex and sexuality.

MOC: We're are talking with Audacia Ray, of the foremost authorities on sex and sexuality. Welcome, Audacia.

AR: Thanks for having me!

MOC: Okay. Hypothetically speaking, and for a large swath of my readers that aren't familiar with your work...what do you do?

AR: Ah, jeez. Recently the short answer I've been giving to this question is that I'm a "new media sex maven." It says so on my business card so it must be true!

MOC: New Media Sex Maven? How do I get one?!

AR: Basically, I'm an obsessive media maker (and consumer) whose genre is sex. Over the past seven years I've been working in sex. I've been a researcher and curator (at The Museum of Sex), magazine editor ($pread Magazine), sex worker and nude model, pornographer, author, blogger and video podcaster (LiveGirlReview.com)...and now I'm also an adjunct professor of Human Sexuality at Rutgers University.

MOC: And what, if anything, have you learned about human sexuality?

AR: To keep it short and simple? "Sex is awesome but people are weird about it."

MOC: All people or just us - people accustomed to all forms of human sexual expression? Also, on a side note, when you meet a man, do you have an instinct into his sexuality?

AR: Well, if we're going to make generalizations - and I know I shouldn't but I'm going to anyway - I think people in general struggle with the feelings and orientation towards sexuality versus what their culture teaches them they should think and feel. I think the quest of any sexual life is figuring out what you want, accepting yourself and then seeking out other people who are down with it. It's really a microcosm of the Human Condition. (If you want to get all deep about it.)

MOC: Say you meet a man. Do you get a "sixth sense" about his orientation. I know you don't like generalizations but, well, do you have "gaydar?"

AR: I think I'm sometimes oblivious to the signals people give out so I don't know if I have great "gaydar." I'm also not generally one for labels. And I know that plenty of people do things that don't line up with how they identify. So, it's pretty complicated way to give a non-straightforward answer, right?

MOC: Perfect actually. So you've written a book...

AR: Yep. It's called "Naked on The Internet: Hookups, Downloads and Cashing In on Internet Sexploitation." It came out last June from Seal Press.

MOC: It's a lonely world out there. And even though it's easier than ever to meet people, it's not really, is it?

AR: I think the Internet helps people identify with who their looking for and then ask for it. You can't expect Internet paramours to know what you want. And if you don't ask for it - don't spell it out - you'll probably have a lousy experience. I do think the Internet has made it easier for people to explore their sexualities - whether that's writing about it endlessly on a blog while staying home and being chaste or using to hookup with strangers whenever you have an itch to scratch.

MOC: So overall a success? In terms of human sexual expression?

AR: Well, I think the Internet is highly problematic in a lot of ways so I wouldn't say: "Yay! A Success! Glad that worked out!" I mean, while it does allow people with so-called 'deviant' sexualities to find each other and learn that they aren't alone, there are also a lot of ways that the Internet reinforces norms about sexuality and especially what's attractive - youth, fitness and whiteness are heralded above all else.

MOC: Youth, I understand. It's a fixed cultural phenomenon that's been with us, I think, since the dawn of, like, Xanadu. Fitness? Okay, makes sense. But the whole "white" thing gets me. (And I'm white!) I mean we are 1/6th of the world's population and yet culturally we crush it.

AR: I think the Internet creates opportunities to challenge those norms, if not correct them. But there's still so much that goes on that reinforces the norm.

MOC: It's so rare to find an adult to talk about sexuality. It's normally titallation or superfluousness. You bring sexuality down to earth. What was it like to be your childhood friend?

AR: It's funny. I've been thinking a lot recently about the ways in which I may or may not overintellectualize  sex; that seems to be one of the main critiques of what I do. For example, a recent comment on an old episode of LiveGirlReview.com, my video blog, in which I reviewed a website called TheArtofBlowjob.com said - and I quote - "I don't know that this could be any more dry or boring if you tried. It's a blowjob, for Christ's sake...not a history lesson." THAT said, I think I've always been an "overthinker." (Although, personally, I don't think it's being overdone because I like being me.) As a kid? I was pretty introverted...lots of playing in the woods by myself...reading a lot...that kind of thing. I was also a real horse-crazy kid and loved animals. So I spend a lot of time on horse farms.

MOC: What do you tell a young person struggling with their sexuality who says to you: I can't find people like me who want the full sexual thrill without being labelled?

AR: I tell young people that they should listen to themselves and their desires above all and try to stay true to that. Others will label them, it's what people do. But if you know who you are and what you want...fuck 'em. But for teenagers especially, it's important to know that they may not find those kindred spirits in high school. But high school will end. So, find a hobby, bust your ass, get out of that town and go out and find people in the age of the Internet. You can start that process online. Friends can be a great support system

MOC: There's so much I want to ask you! What do think hold people back sexually? The orgasm is one of the few, good natural things in this world. Why the rush to suppress (or deny) it? Why is sexuality feared instead of embraced? (I'll take my answer off the air.)

AR: I think it's a control thing and anxiety about our bodies. We spend a lot of time and effort to control our bodies - with exercise, dieting, surgery, make-up, clothing, waxing, grooming, etc. -to make ourselves desirable. But bodies are messy and that's hard for people to deal with...Like what if I fart when I cum and I can't do anything about it?

MOC: HUGE buzz kill, no? But, seriously, Thank You! I know it's late. And being a big star and all I won't keep you. What's next?

AR: I'm formulating an audio interview project so maybe we could progress to the phone interview next time. You know, like Internet dating...chat first, then the phone call, then the public meeting...

MOC: You've been great and I want to thank you again for stopping by to speak with MOC!

AR: It was lovely to speak with you, er, type.

Comments

[dinesh]

So as most of you know I am taking some time off from the nitty-gritty of the 9-5, quit my non-profit job and am living at home to work on some writing. Now, I don't generally share a ton of personal stories, mainly because I don't want to be too self indulgent and I don't want to bore you, but this one I just had to share.
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Dinesh

http://www.sexxat.com/livechat.html